I am numb. I know that my heart is aching for the victims and the families of the victims in Orlando. My heart aches for the family of the perpetrator of this horrible happening and for the perpetrator. Yet, I am stuck wondering how I can make a difference, how I can act such that these kinds of things will stop happening, how I can help others deal with the things in life that anger them to a point where something like this could happen.
I feel helpless. I went to an Interfaith Soldarity event last night to show support for the people, all people, in Orlando, wondering the whole time why people like myself, a lesbian, could ever be seen as evil enough to be fodder for a killer. I am a lover at heart. I believe that all people are good at heart and worthy of love, and yet...I am so angry that so many of my LGBT Latino brothers are now gone simply because of the way that they were made by the God of Love.
I am a believer in God. I believe that I am being called to heal something within myself that I am experiencing because of what happened in Orlando. I believe that I am being called to heal others whose wounds have been exposed due to what happened in Orlando. I believe that I am being called to help heal the people of Orlando. I have no idea what or how I am to do this. I do know that I must listen to God in my life. I know that God will help me heal. I know that God will give me the strength to stand up and be all of who I am.
I forgive the young man who was so distraught that he took the lives of so many. I forgive all of the people of this world who do not understand that LGBT people are just people like everyone else. I forgive all of the people of this world who will condemn Muslims because of the act of one man. Muslims are just people like everyone else. I forgive myself for the anger of my first reaction to this terrible happening. I am just a person like everyone else.
I am not quite so numb now. I am stepping forward and consciously loving all people, including myself. I am asking that the God of Love continue to teach us all about peace, love, and our common Humanity. May we all learn compassion and spread goodness leaving not footprints, but heart prints on everyone we encounter.